Pearls of Encouragement for Christian
February 2008 Edition
Blog/Online Bible Study
CWM Coaching Tips
Article – Are you Vulnerable to a Workplace
Hi everyone!! Are you getting ready
for Valentine’s Day, it is coming soon. I don’t
know about at your house, but at my house my children
definitely think Valentine’s Day is for them.
So, chocolate for everyone. We have had so many new
CWMs join our community. Welcome and we are glad you
are here. If you have not filled out the CWM Survey,
go to www.christianworkingmom.com
and click on survey on the home page. Over 1600 fellow
CWMs have filled out the survey. Thanks for your participation.
The article this month is a little long this month,
but I think very important. Thanks for your time,
I know it is valuable and I’m thankful for the
privilege of visiting your email box.
We had a great response of people last
time wanting prayer partners. I still have one CWM
unmatched who would like a prayer partner. Prayer
partners can meet by email and share prayer requests
with one another. You might have a prayer partner
from another country. So, if you would like a prayer
partner, please send an email to Kimberly@kimberlychastain.com
and put prayer partner in the subject heading. I will
match you as soon as prayer partners are available.
Blog/Online Bible Study
Come visit the CWM Blog at http://christianworkingmoms.blogspot.com.
Share what you like to receive and give on Valentine’s
Day. Also, there is an Open Comment section to start
questions or topics you would like to discuss. Come
share and support one another. Also, I posted a place
to respond to this month’s article. Let me know
what you think. Lesson 9 is now posted on the CWM
Online Bible Study. The title of the lesson is “Do
you faint for the Lord?” You can find this Bible
Study at http://cwmbiblestudy.blogspot.com.
Please share what you learned from the lesson.
CWM Coaching Tips
CWM Coaching Tips are now available.
You can receive a tip emailed to you daily. You will
be encouraged. We will explore scripture together
and how it affects our day to day lives. To find out
more go to: http://www.kimberlychastain.com/cwmtips.htm.
Article – Are You Vulnerable
to a Workplace Romance?
I have been a Marriage and Family Therapist
for over 20 years now (I started when I was 5, just
kidding!!!) and I often hear a similar story in my
office over and over again. It goes something like
this, “I didn’t start out to have an affair,
but he was so nice to me. He listened to me. He appreciated
me and he cared about me. He understood me. One thing
led to another and before I knew it we were alone
together. How did this happen?” Workplace affairs
happen and they happen to Christian men and women.
No one sets out to have an affair, but they happen.
I want to answer some questions about affairs and
give you some things to think about.
First of all, why do affairs happen?
There are many reasons. One is a person fills unfilled
or unappreciated in their marriage. Another is affairs
are exciting, it is like dating again and there is
Affairs are secretive which leads to the excitement.
On the flip side of all of this, affairs are not reality.
When a person is having an affair they don’t
have to worry about the dirty socks on the floor,
who did the dishes, who is going to pick up the children,
etc. The person with whom you are having an affair
can be “perfect”, because there are no
responsibilities to be fulfilled. You can just concentrate
on one another and leave the world behind. Again,
this is fantasy and not reality.
Second, the “But, I deserve to
be happy principle.” I hate to bust your bubble
but no where in the Bible does it say we deserve to
be happy. People will tell me that I don’t understand
how miserable their marriage is and how wonderful
the other person is to them. I am not doubting how
bad marriages can be, but I can assure you 100% of
the time an affair is not the way to make your marriage
better. You talk with your spouse and go to counseling
to improve your marriage. If your spouse won’t
go, you go yourself. You pray and pray some more for
your marriage to be restored. You seek Godly wisdom.
Third, even if people end up leaving
their marriage and marrying the person they had an
affair with they will soon find out the new marriage
has problems all of its own. The biggest issue in
second marriages, that started due to affairs, is
trust. If my husband or wife cheated on me to start
this marriage, who is to say they won’t cheat
again. There is always the nagging question in the
back of your mind. Also, you soon find out that Mr.
Perfect has a lot of things that annoy and disappoint
you. The grass really wasn’t greener on the
other side of the fence.
Fourthly, can a marriage survive an
affair? Closely, related to that is do I have Biblical
grounds for divorce? Yes, yes and 50 times yes a marriage
can survive an affair. I have seen God do remarkable
things in people’s marriages and made their
marriages better than they were before. Do I recommend
that as a marriage improvement strategy, NO WAY!!?
God can restore and strengthen marriages. Nothing
is impossible for God. Can affairs be a biblical reason
for divorce? Yes, but don’t jump to that conclusion
too quickly. When Jesus made statements about divorce
in Matthew 19:1-9, he also says because of your hardness
of hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives,
but from the beginning it was not so. God hates divorce
and his desire is for couples to keep their marital
commitments and covenants. Now, as soon I say that
let me quickly say if you are divorced God still loves
you and shows mercy and grace as he does for all our
sins. None of us can keep all of God’s laws
that is why we are so thankful for Christ and his
sacrifice for us. Yet, we must say God’s desire
is for people to remain married. Also, do not hear
me say you must stay married at all costs. There are
situations of abuse, repeated unfaithfulness, and
other issues that may necessitate someone to seek
a divorce. Also, I have seen a spouse battle to the
end for a marriage and one person demands a divorce
no matter what the other spouse wants. As always,
there needs to be lots of prayer and wise counsel
before a decision to divorce is made.
Fifthly, what are some warning signs
that I may be vulnerable to a workplace romance?
1. You feel unappreciated at home, but
feel really appreciated
at work for all you do.
2. You start thinking of ways to meet and talk with
a person you
may be interested in.
3. You start keeping a list of all your husband’s
faults and focus
on them repeatedly.
4. You start daydreaming of the perfect marriage.
5. You quit working as hard on your own marriage.
6. You think about what you will wear to work the
next day and
what that special someone will say.
7. You tell yourself you deserve to be happy.
8. You start rationalizing reasons why it is okay
to spend time
with the person at the office, we are JUST talking.
9. You fantasize about life with the other person.
10. You no longer spending time praying or reading
because it makes you feel guilty.
These are just a few of the warning
signs to start you thinking.
So, what is someone to do to inoculate
themselves from having a workplace romance?
1. Pray for yourself and your spouse
daily. Pray that God will
keep you committed to your marriage.
2. Pray that God will help you love your spouse even
he is unlovable.
3. Flee from evil. The Bible talks about the devil
in 1 Peter
5:8-9 as a roaring lion waiting to devour you. This
means we don’t dance around temptation we run
from it as far as we can.
4. If you are currently being tempted, do everything
away from the person. You may even have to change
5. Have an accountability partner who will pray with
give you wise counsel. Ask them to hold you to God’s
principles and words.
6. Pray that God will keep all temptation away from
7. Work on your marriage. Once you have children it
is so easy
to ignore your marriage. Make your marriage a priority.
8. Be willing to seek counseling for yourself and
if it is in trouble.
9. Realize that Satan makes sin so attractive and
he is the Father
of lies. He will fill your head with nonsense in order
you think you are doing right.
10. Trust that God can and will change your marriage.
the most important thing is realizing the only one
who can meet
all of your needs is God. You must trust in him alone.
As Christian Working Moms we also have
to be very aware of our witness to others. People
are watching us and seeing if we practice what we
preach. Being faithful to your spouse is a very strong
witness in this day and age. Every marriage has problems,
but I repeat having an affair is NEVER the answer
to those problems. May we all cling to our Savior
and trust him to meet all of our needs. Also, remember
with God nothing is impossible.
Share your thoughts and comments on
this article at the CWM Blog at http://christianworkingmoms.blogspot.com.
Also, have you noticed no matter what age your children
are you can never go to the bathroom alone? I remember
years ago telling someone my goal in life was to be
able to go to the bathroom alone again. Here is to
privacy for all of us Moms.
Till next time,
Kimberly M. Chastain