Pearls of Encouragement for Christian
February 2006 Edition
Welcome and Announcements
Article – Two Questions to Never Ask Your Kids,
but We All Do
Welcome and Announcements
Welcome to all you Christian Working
Moms, we now have almost 1300 of you. May God give
you rest today. I would like to be the first to wish
you a Happy Valentine’s Day, whether you have
a special someone or not. Remember God gave us the
ultimate show of love and Valentine’s gift,
his Son. One more thing, I apologize for, in advance,
for the length of today’s article. This idea
has been on my heart for sometime and it was difficult
to say in a short manner.
I wanted to let you know to be on the
lookout for something new that is coming.
Christian Working Mom U, Becoming the Woman God Wants
You To Be will be coming soon. Here is just a little
information. CWM U will be an online weekly lesson
you will receive in an email. There will be a discussion
forum and a Library of helpful resources. CWM U is
currently in the process of the final stages of being
ready. So stay tuned to your email box.
I have noticed we have a lot of people
looking at the blog, but not that many posting. So,
don’t be shy, jump in and make a post. I have
added a section called Open Comments where you can
start a discussion or ask any question. Visit to post
how you celebrate Valentine’s Day with your
children. You can access the CWM Blog at http://www.kimberlychastain.com/my-journal.
Article – Two Questions To Never
Ask Your Kids, But We All Do
We have all been there, the things you
said you would never say when you are a parent come
flying out of your mouth. We often don’t even
realize what we are saying, in our moments of frustration.
I want to start with two questions you should never
ask your kids and why they are not good questions.
Question #1 to never ask your kids,
but we all do. Are you ready? This is a one word question.
Why? Why did you hit your sister? Why is your toy
in the toilet?
Why did you do ________________? First of all have
you ever really gotten a good or acceptable answer
to this question? I haven’t. I hit my sister,
because she hit me. I like my toy in the toilet!!
The problem with this question is it implies in the
asking that there is an acceptable reason for the
misbehavior. Also, it encourages our children to lie.
If our children can come up with an acceptable reason
then maybe they will not get disciplined or punished.
The focus then become on the why and not the behavior
itself. Often as parents we come up with a list of
do’s and don’ts we want our kids to follow,
which isn’t a bad idea.
As Christian parents, though we need to focus not
just on actions, but on the heart and character. We
need to go to one step beyond the Why? Look at these
questions taken from Shepherding
A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.
What were you feeling when you hit your
What did you sister do to make you mad?
Help me understand how hitting her seemed to make
What was the problem with what she was doing with
In what other ways could you have responded?
How do you think your response reflected trust or
lack of trust in God’s ability to provide for
How different are those questions and
yes they take more time, but they get to the heart
of the issue. Why is heart so important? “As
a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects
the person.” Proverbs 28:19. “You brood
of snakes! How could evil men like you speak what
is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines
what you say. A good person produces good words from
a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words
from an evil heart.” Matthew 12: 34 –
36. The words of Jesus are harsh, but accurate. Our
words reflect our heart.
So, do we want to raise children who
follow the rules to not get in trouble or do we want
them to have changed hearts. The Pharisees in the
Bible were great at following rules, but they had
evil hearts. So, we want not just behavior change
in our children, but heart change.
Question #2 to never ask your kids,
but we all do. What were your thinking? This question
is often asked of teenagers after they have done an
irresponsible act. The problem with this question
is they were not thinking to begin with, that was
the problem. If they had thought about it, maybe they
would not have done the stupid action. We have all
been impulsive at times and regretted it later. There
really is not a good answer to the What were you thinking
question. Again, it encourages your child to come
up with an acceptable answer in order to avoid punishment.
You can instruct them in the future to take time to
think before they do something. Give themselves a
few minutes to make sure this is something they want
to do. Or, tell them they have to talk with you first.
That gets them off the hook if it is a peer pressure
situation. I have encouraged many teenagers to use
their parents as an excuse if they don’t feel
they can say No. They can say, “My Mom is so
mean she never lets me do anything!” That helps
them save face and helps them to begin to be more
assertive in saying No.
As I said earlier I have asked both
of these questions myself many times and have not
received good results. When we encourage our children
to look at their actions as God sees them and to look
at their hearts we are growing children with character
and a deep love for God and what he has done for us.
The questions listed above get to the heart of the
matter and take more time, but they yield a better
result. I encourage you and myself to have children
that seek after the heart of God.
Share Valentine stories you remember
when you were in school with your children. They will
enjoy hearing how it was in the “good ole days”.
Till next time,